The Real Dolores Umbridge
by Indigo Ziona
Summary: Umbridge lets off steam. In the style of Eminem. Bwahahahahaha!


_OK so reasonably recently, on one of my other song parodies, someone complimented me on not parodying a rap song. Yes, Eminem parodies have been done millions of times before. My boyfriend is that rare thing - an intellectual Eminem fan - who'd be horrified if he knew what I'd done to this, his favourite song. So yeah, perhaps I should have ignored the Parody Bunny and gone about my way... But the thought was so tempting once I had it. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry... And yes OK, I mispelt Umbridge's first name the first time I posted this._ _Disclaimer: I don't own Umbridge or the Real Slim Shady. I also unashamedly use Rhymezome.com when I can't think of a rhyme for something._ Miss Ziona, would you kindly be quiet whilst I make my speech? I've spent a long time working on the rhymes. And I'm quite offended that you claim I've somehow stolen this from that dreadful Muggle Slim Shady. What kind of name is Slim anyway? **The Real Dolores Umbridge** Hem hem! May I have your attention please!  
May I have your attention please!  
Will Dumbledore's fanclub please shut up?  
I repeat, will Dumbledore's fanclub please shut up?  
I'm going to get angry now...  
  
You act like you've never seen a pink cardie before  
All starting to snore  
Like I'm mumbling nonsense you'll just ignore  
I'm a Defence teacher much worse than before  
Books you'll be forced  
Lessons you just can't endure  
No wandwaving  
"Ah, wait, no wait, she's kidding  
She didn't just say what I think she said,  
Did she?"  
And You-Know-Who said –  
Nothing you idiots! You-Know-Who's dead!  
He was killed by that Scarhead!  
Slytherin students love this Professor  
Gotta love the woman D. Umbridge  
"We love her style, look at her  
sentencing Potter to who knows what  
Cause he talked about You-Know-Who"  
"But Potter's so cute though"  
Dumbledore's got a couple of screws in his head loose  
Won't let me hook up CCTV in the bedrooms  
All my spies in Hogwarts to be let loose  
And stop you all reading the Quibbler for your news  
"The Dark Lord killed my Mum, the Dark Lord killed my Dad  
The attention that I'm getting makes me feel so glad"  
And that's the message we listen to from someone who's stark mad   
And wonder why the ministry's problems are so bad   
Of course the reputation of the Minister is bad   
Cause we're giving a voice   
To a brat who wants attention, aren't we?   
He's nothing but talking,   
Well I'll be walking   
Examining Hogwarts and inquiring   
Cause Dumbledore's reputation is expiring   
And there's no reason why you shouldn't find the man Fudge inspiring   
If you find this paranoia tiring   
Students stop your boastful prose, listen to what I propose...  
  
(Chorus)  
  
Dolores Jane Umbridge, yes, I'm the real Umbridge  
All of Fudge's rules I follow, no point taking umbrage  
So will Dumbledore's fan club please shut up, please shut up, please shut up   
  
Dolores Jane Umbridge, yes, I'm the real Umbridge  
All of Fudge's rules I follow, no point taking umbrage  
So will Dumbledore's fan club please shut up, please shut up, please shut up  
  
So the rest aren't allowed to interrupt the Headmaster  
But I am, so hem hem, and listen up  
You think I should be mad about Harry  
Half of you fangirls want to have his babies and get married  
"But Professor, what if it's true, You-Know-Who is back?"  
What? You want to end up like Sirius Black?  
Hell, I'm much more worried about a fangirl attack  
So I'll question Ginny Weasley and Cho Chang  
And work out who that Potter kid is most likely to bang  
Little brat, sees dark wizards on Muggle TV  
"Yeah he's mad, but his scar's so cool, hee hee"  
If the Ministry was under my decree  
I'd show the world the greatest liar you could see  
I'm sick of your little Dark Arts Defence groups  
I'll make an announcement with a purpose to end you  
And there's a million people fearing You-Know-Who  
Who don't know who, who are just following I-Know-Who  
Whose words aren't true, and all his fangirls too  
Who should listen up to someone else, and I know who...  
  
Dolores Jane Umbridge, yes, I'm the real Umbridge  
All of Fudge's rules I follow, no point taking umbrage  
So will Dumbledore's fan club please shut up, please shut up, please shut up   
  
Dolores Jane Umbridge, yes, I'm the real Umbridge  
All of Fudge's rules I follow, no point taking umbrage  
So will Dumbledore's fan club please shut up, please shut up, please shut up  
  
I'm sensible to listen to  
Because I'm only telling you   
Things the Ministry has cleared to be taught in the classroom  
I'm so much different from that werewolf Remus Lupin  
A halfbreed and all, so I'm not going to let you use your wand at all  
Just get the book and read it  
And you had better believe it  
They know it better than you poxy little students can  
And you wonder why I hate all thought original  
It's funny because at the the rate you're going,  
When you're twenty you'll be in Azkaban for crimes a-plenty  
Spreading stupid rumours when you're longing for attention  
And you'll mention that you wished I had just put you in detention  
So every single person should pay me some attention  
But you all act like I'm Professor Binns, you love the Weasley twins  
And in the corridors, running and screaming you love Dumbledore  
With his speeches that you all encore  
So will Dumbledore's fan club shut up  
To Umbridge all raise your hands up  
And be proud to be out of the madness bred in this school  
And one more time, loud as you can, say Umbridge rules...  
  
Dolores Jane Umbridge, yes, I'm the real Umbridge  
All of Fudge's rules I follow, no point taking umbrage  
So will Dumbledore's fan club please shut up, please shut up, please shut up   
  
Dolores Jane Umbridge, yes, I'm the real Umbridge  
All of Fudge's rules I follow, no point taking umbrage  
So will Dumbledore's fan club please shut up, please shut up, please shut up  
  
Not singing along Potter? I think it'll be another week of detention for you.  
  
Now review, or it'll be detention for you too!  



End file.
